Fulfillment Over Forced Feelings: The Importance of Self-Partnership

Submitted by Fiona Griffiths... on Wed, 01/29/2020 - 10:31 - 0 Comments

You just got out of a relationship, and you are immediately met with judgemental comments and assumptions. Or, someone asked you if you were seeing anyone, and your response was no. Not even a second passes and overwhelming comments start to fly at you. There are plenty of fish in the sea! You will find someone new so soon! Single and ready to mingle! Why are we bombarded with these intrusive and assuming comments? Why is being “single” thought to be a temporary state that people should be desperate to get out of? Why is it seen as a negative space, when it should at least be neutral? There are a few reasons why this exists, and like always, gender roles go right back to the root of the problem.

The idea of a single man is usually not presented in a negative light. Instead of being met with a somber tone, they are met with being called a “bachelor.” Independence is always simply implied for men, and unfortunately seen as a foreign concept for women in our society.

But let’s look at the beneficial aspects of being single, regardless of your gender identity. Being single gives you a chance to think about yourself and your passions without the gaze of another, discover your identity, and most importantly, take care of yourself. Instead of the necessity of being in a relationship with another at every stage of your life, it is essential to have a positive and loving relationship with yourself first.

Celebrities and influencers have even latched onto this idea as well, and have begun to change the language around not being in a relationship. Actress Emma Watson, in an interview with British Vogue, referenced herself as “self-partnered” rather than single. Even this little switch in the ways we use language to acknowledge our different identities makes such a huge difference in the ways we view partnership and relationship status.

Some synonyms for the word single consist of isolated or solitary, which can often be negatively connotated. Instead, we should look at single as free, not reliant on anyone else for happiness, and an opportunity to focus on yourself and what you need.

Oftentimes people will jump into relationships, while simultaneously neglecting their own happiness and self-worth. Toxicity grows, and there is seemingly no way to get out of it. This is why many social media influencers are jumping onto this idea of being single and fulfilling yourself first over forcing feelings for someone who might not be in your cards in the present moment.

My intention is to by no means bash healthy partnerships, but it is to voice the opinion that it is essential to have a healthy partnership with yourself first, and not need to be in a relationship for fulfillment and satisfaction. While you are by yourself, it is vital to take time to think about your boundaries, needs, anxieties, career, friendships, and family relationships. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a little bit selfish, and to start prioritizing yourself.



About the Author

Fiona Griffiths Boston's picture